Do we really need double beds within our Maternity Wards....

Okay, so on my Facebook Page I discussed that for ''many reasons'' I thought that this was a bad idea.

The Proposition:
The NHS want to spent so many million on introducing double beds into maternity wards so that Fathers can play a more active role in parenting the newborn child and helping support the Mother.

Please be reminded these are MY views and opinions.





Pros:

1) If the Mother has a traumatic delivery, or in my case a hospital phobia then they can be around and support her & foresee her medical treatment and make sure that they are not subject to any mistreatment.

2) Some Fathers need help in offering the right level of support to their partner once she is home from the hospital. This would be especially useful for the first time parents. It's all fair and well teaching the Mama in hospital about changing nappies & Bathing the baby for instance, but what about Dad? Doesn't he need to learn this too?




Cons: 
1) I know for a fact that some Mama's prefer to be in hospital to get a ''break'' after the birth of their baby. There will be some Mama's preferring to be alone with her new baby, perhaps she has other children at home and Dad has to take care of them etc.

2) I am going to address the point for the #2 in Pros. If they spent the money on real parenting classes then there would be no need to teach them the basics of parenthood after delivery.

3) As any Mama will know she is exhausted after the birth (especially if you're chronically ill as I am) and there will be a Dad or two who will perhaps try and force the Mama into making the most of the double bed... I am sure I don't need to spell it out to you?

4) Why not use this money to keep Maternity wards open, employ much needed Midwives, Increasing beds and equipment for SCUBU's (Special Baby Care Units for Premature Babies) & Breast-feeding consultants on hand to help with Breast-feeding. I have, thankfully never had a Premature baby, but I know that usually the sicker the baby is they will be transferred to another, ''better equip'' hospital with more staff on hand. The NHS midwives are under a LOT of stress and pressure, surely it makes sense to use that money to employ more midwives - maybe this will stop women giving birth in hospital car parks, at the side of the road and even in Maternity ward waiting rooms.

5) How secure and embarrassed will you feel if you have to go to the toilet down the corridor at night and your pad is leaking down your leg as men are roaming the corridor? (This good, valid point was pointed out by a member on my page). And I feel it necessary to add, will the hospital be asking for proof of ID and checking them against some sort of sex offenders register?


I make it no secret that I will never labour or give birth in a hospital. I have never felt safe in a hospital, I had a very traumatic birth in 2004 and I will never submit myself to unnecessary interventions and interruptions. I rather be in my own home, welcoming my baby into their home, sleeping in my bed and not being hooked up to continual monitoring, with drips in my hand and all the other crazy things they make you suffer in hospital. I, of course know that some women have to give birth in hospital, especially those who really are ''high risk'' but I also realize and are well aware that many women do NOT fall into this category.

These are my thoughts & opinions on this whole ''we need double beds to help Dad's bond'' rubbish that's been in the papers and on the news this week.

Mrs Proud.

The Sponge Story...

Ok - So this is the moment you've all be waiting for. 

How did I get on with the sponge?

What sponges are they?

How was the sex with the sponge in place?

Well I will begin to talk about the sponge.

The sponges I bought were actually all around the same size - Quite small. I would say around the size of a plum middle. Let me say it now, if you are interested in buying one, they are called 'Dead Sea Sponge' and Lloyds Pharmacy sell's them for £1.85 a pop. Although I do not know what size they are and how course they are so please, make sure they are soft enough to use INSIDE your body before use.

I actually have tried using a sponge before this. I didn't bother telling you because I didn't have a sexual partner at the time - wink wink.
The previous one I had, looked exactly like this:

 

It came as a huge (and I mean huuuuge) I cut it into sizes I thought that would be acceptable and got on reasonably well with it. Although I quickly realized that having this kind of sponge lead to only one thing; breakages. With all the tiny holes in it I found it was tearing inside before I had withdrawn it. Absorbancy was really good, I didn't leak once but wore a pad just in case I had any issues - after all we all know a sponge only holds so much. I think there I have the only advantage from most of my readers - I have a mirena inside my womb, it was put in September 2011 after heavy periods and a lot of pain. Basically, I lose very little now during my periods. Before the Mirena was put in I would lose around 80-100ml, if you lose anything over 80ml you must go to the doctors, anything over  80ml is considered excessive. I only know because I heard it on embarrassing bodies once ;)

Anyway, getting back to the matter in hand (I won't say in something else!)

- Make sure your sponge is around the size of your thumb (or slightly larger depending on the flow)

- Make sure your sponge is soft enough to go inside you (Yes, they come in all sorts of textures)

- Make sure you get the correct one - ''Dead Sea Sponge''

- Make sure you are aware of how frequent you have to take out, wash and re-insert

- Make sure if you are due to go out you have back up, example, a pad or a mooncup. If you are out later than expected and can't get to wash it out, take a sandwich bag to place it in to wash later and simply put your mooncup in (or use a pad instead)

Anyway, I bought myself a few new sponges - Here are mine:

Notice the texture, quite smooth - not easily breakable like the last sponge.

Let's talk about sexual relations with the sponge now - I know, this is the bit you're all REALLY  interested in!

Last time I told you

''The great thing about a sponge is that:

1) It's soft
2) You can have sex while it's in
3) Your partner may not even feel it (depending on his length of course, and even if he is big enough to crash into your cervix, it'll still feel as spongy as it was then ... )
4) If you are out in public and can't wash your Moon Cup out, you could have a spare sponge ready in your hand bag

The only downside that I have found is:
1) You are more prone to leak over night (for this very reason I'll be using my Moon Cup over night)
2) You may have difficulty retreiving it after sex
3) The Moon Cup creates a seal around you - the sponge doesn't so, again - we may have leaking problems''Let me address each of those points again.

The great things about the sponge are:

1) ''It's soft'' - This IS true. When you get your sponge and want to use it, PLEASE DO NOT JUST INSERT IT DRY - You WILL hurt yourself and more to the point you can not squash it down enough and insertion is a lot harder, it will scratch going in, so please please please, make sure you wet it and wring it out prior to insertion, you will have some very sore sex if you do not wet it first.

2) ''You can have sex while it's in.'' Yes, you can have sex while it's in, Porn stars use sponges while they're on. However it is purely because of this reason I will not be using it again while I am on for sex. It might of been all in my head BUT I didn't get much enjoyment from the sex with it in. I guess I am just one of those girls who prefers her other half to crash into her cervix and likes to feel him deep inside. However the ''shock absorber'' in my opinion got in the way of my enjoyment and because of that reason I didn't climax as I usually do and as I say - won't be using it again. Not just that reason but also my other half got quite sore from bouncing off of it and moving it around the touchable areas of my cervix. After the first sexual encounter I went to the toilet to remove the sponge. However, retrieval is tricky - as I half expected it to be. I have a high lying cervix at the best of times but I could only just touch it with the tips of my fingers but I couldn't grasp it. I huffed and I puffed, and the darn thing wasn't coming out in a hurry.

Both my natural birthed babies have been delivered in 1 or 2 pushes so I used my strong pelvic floor muscles to try and push it further downwards, ladies - our muscles in case you didn't know seem to be in the middle .... it did absolutely nothing up nearer my cervix apart from nearly break my fingers in the middle - and I am not joking! ;-) While I was trying to retrieve it, I did however find something really really gross. It was hard and it felt like metal. I presume this was my Mirena, but I don't understand because I was told the 'strings' were made of cotton like material and were SOFT. What I felt was far from soft and fortunately for me, although my partner can crash the hell out of my cervix he wasn't aware of the strings (phew).

3) ''Your partner may not even feel it (depending on his length of course, and even if he is big enough to crash into your cervix, it'll still feel as spongy as it was then ... )''

Please see above for answer, lol.

4) ''If you are out in public and can't wash your Moon Cup out, you could have a spare sponge ready in your hand bag'' I read this and think to myself did I really put this in the positives of having a sponge? Hmm I guess I did. I guess if  you are caught short it is one of those things that 'would do in the mean time' if you see what I mean. Quick, easy to insert and if it accidentally fell out of your bag you don't have the embarrassment of a tampon wrapper, or pad wrapper so people can identify you're on your period - instead it's just a sponge. It's quite an innocent thing to be seen with ;)

 And the bad points: ~

The only downside that I have found is:
1) You are more prone to leak over night (for this very reason I'll be using my Moon Cup over night)
2) You may have difficulty retrieving it after sex
3) The Moon Cup creates a seal around you - the sponge doesn't so, again - we may have leaking problems''

 1) ''You are more prone to leak over night'' I haven't used one over night and but this still stays the same, it is a negative and in all honesty, you couldn't trust a sponge to keep you dry all night.

2) ''You make have difficulty retrieving it after sex''  Well well well, if I didn't know better before I'd say I had a premonition, lol. If you have a low lying cervix then this probably won't be an issue for you, but for us ladies who have high lying cervix's - we have great difficulty in retrieving it again after sex. Of course you could go for a bigger sponge and I have found that actually, a few hours after sex let's it fill of blood therefore the sponge expands, therefore makes it bigger = you can reach it a lot easier. I say ''easier'' if you class, squatting with one leg up on the bath ''easier'' go ahead. I did try to remove on the toilet (as you do a moon cup) and quickly realized I needed more of an angle to get my fingers fully in. It was still just as high and again (it comes second nature to me) I squeezed down on my muscles to try and 'birth my sponge' if you will. Once I caught grip I managed to pull it with no rips or tears. Do not write it off just because of this though. Some women do attach strings so they can grab it a lot easier... However - I am crap at sewing and will not even try this, it's a sponge and I can just see it tearing in half if I even try to do that.

3) ''The Moon Cup creates a seal around you - the sponge doesn't so, again - we may have leaking problems'' I can report having the sponge in 8 hours (Yes, ok - perhaps a little long but I totally forgot it was there..) and I had no leaking problems UNTIL I removed it. As it came out there was a few spots on the bathroom floor, - but please remember I am hardly loosing any loss purely because of the Mirena, you're experiencing will be completely different to mine.

The Result:

In no particular order - Ha ha. I am sorry I have just always wanted to say that, lol!

Ok, serious face's on please.
You've read my experiences and the result I have chosen is; It's failed. Purely because of the sex with it in. If I get horny mid-cycle again I will insert one in, just so it's not messy because even with one in,  you can still have quite good sexual activities. I shall spare you the details but we did manage to carry on with having fun, regardless of the first time with it, he'll just have to stick only half of it in ;)
I think personally for us it didn't suit us. It made my partner sore and took away the best bits for sex for me. It was personally dreadful. Porn stars are good at faking their orgasms and yes, I could of faked one if I wanted but there was no point and in all fairness I don't want to be anything but truthful with my partner. In the past I hold my hands up and admit I have had to fake orgasms in the past BUT with my current other half this is something I no longer have to fake.. He hit's the damn spot - quite literally, LOL! Sorry, Had to crack that one in there.. it was kinda relevant yes?
Shock absorbers are a big no-no for us - But please, don't let my experience put you off trying. They are a cheap alternative to tampax and pads none the less - and more environmentally friendly too.
For me personally though I am sticking with my ''Lady Cup'' - Don't even ask what happened to my Moon Cup... It's a very long story..

Anyway - I am glad you are following my blogs, I hope that if you try using a shock absorber, sorry, sponge you have better luck than us.

Time for a journey with a sponge....!

Yes, You followed me through my Moon Cup journey, why not follow me through a journey of sponges too?
It is quite possible you are reading this and literally have the shocked smiley face on you right now, it is also possible you know exactly what I'm talking about too ;-)

Ok - Here's the thing.

As great as the Moon Cup is there is one vital task you can not perform with it in.

Do I really need to spell it out?

S - E - X.

I guess you could remove it and have sex while in full flow but that's not my style, as messy as sex is I could and would never do it while on my period.

BUT THEN .............  I learned about sponges ;-)

Basically, it's exactly the same as a Moon Cup. Wash, squeeze, insert, remove and repeat!
The only advantage it has over the Moon Cup is that you can have sex with it in (apparently Porn Stars use it). Anyway, I have quite a high cervix, so retrieval could certainly be interesting after the deed has be done but don't worry, I shall keep you informed of my journey ;-) I know a few of my readers have been converted onto using a Moon Cup purely because I blogged about this journey with you and you wanted something more eco-friendly, so who knows - If you too get horny while on your period, maybe you'll try the sponges too?

The great thing about a sponge is that:

1) It's soft
2) You can have sex while it's in
3) Your partner may not even feel it (depending on his length of course, and even if he is big enough to crash into your cervix, it'll still feel as spongy as it was then ... )
4) If you are out in public and can't wash your Moon Cup out, you could have a spare sponge ready in your hand bag

The only downside that I have found is:
1) You are more prone to leak over night (for this very reason I'll be using my Moon Cup over night)
2) You may have difficulty retreiving it after sex
3) The Moon Cup creates a seal around you - the sponge doesn't so, again - we may have leaking problems



I am waiting for my sponges to come and I will let you know how I get on with them.
I have ordered a few different sizes, one small, one medium and one large - because obviously the flow varies as to which CD we are on doesn't it girlies? ;-)

Anyway - Until they come I shall sign off.. Don't worry - I shall not put graphic pictures up this time, I'm sure my other half would have something to say about that anyway... wink wink ;-)

So yeah - We left him!

Yep, I left my Husband 1st March 2012. I won't go into too much detail on here (you know what I'm like about my own privacy) but we're all happy and safe - that's all that matters.
Of course I had planned it for a while - however there was limitations in my car for space (it's a standard estate car with 7 seats).
I took as much clothes as I could and other important things like my laptop, DSLR camera and chargers.

I sadly had to leave behind - the triple pushchair, ALL my baby carriers - which includes; 1 Red long wrap and 3 Mei Tais and a purple sling.

When I arrived I found that the pushchair I had been using wasn't up to the daily job of school runs so I bought a Phil and Teds Sport in Navy Blue (with doubles kit).
I've also bought an Ergo (standard), Mei Tai and have just purchased an Ergo Sport (more breathable for the hot, summer weather we're experiencing!).
I enjoy baby-wearing and today being able to take photographs of them on me, I even had the twins on me at one point, #1 on the front in the standard Ergo and #2 on the back in the MT. (As pictured).




I will have to buy another Moon Cup as I left that and my other cup behind.

The last few months I got on well with my Cup, once you've had a period or two with it it does get a lot easier, however I found it only took me 2-3 days to get used to it. I came across an expression of ''mining for gold'' and I loved it, how it rang true - But since I birthed my babies within only a couple of pushes I have seriously strong pelvic floor muscles so I don't have to 'mine' for too long, LOL.

I am enjoying our new house and being a single parent (even though it's hard work). Our house is becoming a home thick and fast, I won't lie - money has been tight but I hope in the next few weeks this sorts itself out. Of course it doesn't help I have to buy things over again while that moron sits on the suite I bought, watching the 42" plasma I bought - etc etc. I hope that maybe the divorce will let me have a few of my things back, even if it isn't things like the TV, I want my computers and hard drives back but most importantly my babies placentas; they are irreplaceable.

I hope you're all keeping well and enjoying this beautiful sunshine. My children are not only enjoying the sunshine but also enjoying a CLEAR and SAFE garden to play in.

God Bless

Insensitive HATERS

Yeah - so a blog post of mine received not one, but three comments suggesting I am in severe need of mental health help.

You are NOTHING but insensitive haters.
Clearly have no concept on ''Birth Rape'' nor have you any sensible bones in your body.

I am not mentally insane, nor am I stupid for MY strong believes surrounding caesarean sections.

The sad part of it is, some of you claimed to be a Councillor or doula - I pity the people who put their well earnt money in YOUR hands to be treated like this. You should be ashamed for charging for your criticisms.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and it's people like YOU who stop women like ME being open and honest about how we feel.
Bet you all enjoyed being cut open, where as I (and many other women) will speak out the truth about how WE feel and you have NO RIGHT in telling us we're stupid for feeling the way we feel.

In fact, I'd go as far as saying YOU'RE the ones needing mental help. I bet your caesarean sections were not even needed.

So there, Carry on Hating - Cos I sure as hell ain't gonna stop speaking the truth about birth rape and the awareness that needs to be made. ;-)

Enjoy your shelf.
Enjoy your scar ;-)

The REAL ''Gender Neutral''

I write this after a ''to-do'' on my Facebook Page earlier this evening.
It's been a while since a troll got me wound up as ''she'' did.
But my trust and faith has been restored in Karma - when she shared my page with such negative comments and abuse, Karma was restored by a fair few of her followers un-liking her page.
Very child-ish I know and I would never ever share a page with such a negative review.
Want to know why?
Well - It turns out the troll I blocked earlier is the page owner.. co-incidental, I think not.

Anyway, To get to the matter in hand, it was about an article, which I would prefer NOT to post on here, for fears the child will find it later in life (as someone rightly pointed out on my page!)
This said child in question, has been ''gender neutral'' for 5 years and only now the child has started school has the truth had to come out about his or her identity. (I am trying to write this as diplomatically as I can, please bare with me!)
Anyway, MY initial instincts of 'Gender Neutral' was just that - Neutral life-style, that would NOT be pink and blue, in fact just neutral colours, such as whites, yellows and even greens.

I think my initial stereo-typing got me into trouble tonight.


It actually turns out, this child in question is being made to persue into a female/male identity, regardless of it being ''neutral''. By this, I mean dressing of a particular colour and nature.

I have a great respect for those parents using 'gender neutral' method in their parenting, so long as it is not one-sided. For example purposes only; A beautiful little girl wore nothing but black trousers and jeans and played with trucks. 
For me, neutral screams very gender neutral colours, as previously said, whites, yellows maybe even greens.
Otherwise, if you are going to let your girl dress in boy-items, can she at least have some 'normality' with a few pink things too for instance?

I am not willing for a debate on this, don't get me wrong - I just don't see how ''neutral'' can mean one sided gender neutralising!


I have never parented this method, so maybe I am indeed wrong and 'Gender Neutralising' does mean that the child can permanently be the opposite. It just doesn't seem very neutral to me - that's all I am saying.


When I read the said link (news article) I actually cried, I cried for that child will grow up being confused. I don't mean because of the neutralising, I mean for the one-sided story of this particular case.

Interestingly, I have picked this quote up from WikiPedia; However, it has been observed that gender neutrality in the law has changed the nature of custody disputes, making it less likely that women will be awarded custody of their children in the event of a divorce.

I also commented on the news article: '' I hope, pray and ask god for the social services on this story. I think this is diabolical. Pink frilly dresses but none of the other? This is NOT true Gender Neutral, this is simply a Mother fantasizing about the girl she never had.'' 
Anyway, That is all for now.